You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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