Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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