My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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