I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
