My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
