did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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