K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
