i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
