I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
