i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
