That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
