Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
