I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
