There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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