Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
