I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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