her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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