so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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