i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
