nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
