ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
