Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
