apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
