you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
