You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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