Buhtt sex?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
