Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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