How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
