Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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