Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
