So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
