exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
