I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
