I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
