Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
