i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
