this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
