im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
