Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
be right there i have to get my cape
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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