I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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