I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
