My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
