you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
