porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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