is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
