two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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