what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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