Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
