Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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