even my farts smell like vagina
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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