Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
