The maid of honor just puked.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
