no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
